i still dream of you sometimes...actually i should say often....my best friend ...my soul mate turned stranger... an alien.
i feel nothing sometimes when u come to mind. its a dead feeling.
at rare times it hits me with an intensity that i fail to comprehend ...anger, hurt, broken feelings, loss. it always starts with anger though...anger for having known u for so long and yet not known a bit about u. hurt comes a little later and just refuses to go. i try and try to look at things again...the way i saw it then...the way i see it now...the way u would ve seen it (though i hardly know u now) ...the way a third person would ve seen it...in all these ways something is difficult for me to understand ... what went so wrong that i wont ever pick up the phone n call u...i wont ever do that... never.
it has made me less of a person... that's the sort of loss i feel... no longer am i sure of my friendships...no longer do i have this complete sense of trust and security with a friend...no longer do i feel i can truly be myself with anyone... no longer do i feel that it is important...
i often think had it been better if i hadn't known a person like u...that our paths wouldn't have crossed... i have had silent debates on this many a times. a part of me still wants to believe that life would ve been so much lesser if we hadn't met... but what i have of myself as a leftover fails to convince me of that. wish i hadn't known a person like u and sincerely pray that i don't meet anyone like u in future too.
they say leave it ...let it go. and i try my best. really i do.
but somewhere i have held it too close to let it part from me... and that's the irony of it all.
