hollow and empty

at an advanced meditation they used to say try and feel "hollow and empty"...that was one of the great learnings of life...

guess i have attained something of the sort today, coz i m feeling

"hollow and empty" inside...as if there is nothing left within me...as if i have jus been bared of all that was me...it really doesnt feel like nirvana though
it feels vacuum...
and hollow...
and an empty space...void

which cannot ever be filled again...because whoever will attempt to help me fill that vacuum with love and care will again one day decide to bare me of it...and altho this time i will survive it...i wont ever like to even give this chance to anyone else again...no

i feel like screaming....on the top of my voice...i dunno what...there is nothing left of that which i was holding close...very tightly.

there is always this world which we want to save from the bad spirits...some bad spirit just encroached into that world of mine today.

and there is no one left to blame
nothing else to feel

its bloody red within...with a colorless face...
with a flashy shady smile...

and no one to make out whats on!!!

empty and hollow.

winning...losing ...learning!

have lots of thought to reflect upon today

#for some, winning is IT!

its difficult to not feel that urge to win...but is winning everything???
came very close to a real-life corporate situation, where there is just one end result - you gotta WIN!!!

realised that winning isnt everything...not for me...and that no matter how old i school of thought it will always be...i will always belong here...maybe i wont win...but if winning is defined as success at the cost of putting down other's belief in themselves, i 'd rather lose...

no clue where my beliefs is goin to take me in life!

#an interesting format of writing poem!

Noun
Two adjectives
Three verbs
a phrase
Noun

for example

Cave.
open. dark.
whispering. sighing. engulfing.
i search for reasons.
hollow.

Game
success. battle
winning. losing. struggling
i yearn to learn
failure.

stars
bright. light.
shining. twinkling. whining
no matter where they are
hope.

marriage
space. faith
sharing. caring. hating.
just being together
forever


love.
fresh. temporary
giving. taking. keeping
i can see everywhere
conditional

friend
fun. colour.
gossiping. listening. understanding
its not easy to find
treasure

wow...this is brilliant...try it and u will know...i haven't learnt a better way of expression.

life
long. uncertain
competing, blaming, claiming
i have no time to live
shallow

red
bright, happy
striking. exciting. biting.
i see no black no white
vibrant.

...weird!!!

she no longer expects anything from him!

not that she never used to. not so long ago she had expected a whole world from him. he was too busy with his life. he never understood what he meant to her. maybe he took her for granted. she realised what a fool she has been. she realised it was high time to put a stop.

thats when she actually put a stop...to conversations, expectations and the like...

he couldnt get it. couldnt get why things werent going as he had thought it would.

she was lost in herself. didnt know where to look for herself.

that was a while ago.

today she no longer expects from him.

no longer wishes that he spares time for her.

no longer longs to have a silly conversation with him.

no longer waits for him.

no longer...

today suddenly he manages the time to miss her.

suddenly has time to spare for her.

suddenly remembers everything that she was to him.

suddenly wants a silly conversation with her.

suddenly wants her to be personal in her mails

...

suddenly.

when she has clarified that she isnt the same.

coz she doesnt feel the same.

he suddenly wants her back.

suddenly he thinks of sending her a gift.

out of nowhere.probably expects her to be happy about it.

she has no enthusiasm for the same.

no excitement.

she doesnt know what to tell him.

weird...is it not!!!

suraj ka satwaan ghoda

suraj ka satwaan ghoda...
the name wont ring a bell without having had the experience of watching it being enacted today!

but after watching the play it makes a whole lot of sense...
it was a very thought provoking experience...

u begin thinking what is love really...is it only that feeling that can be given a name in the end...is it only a matter of convenience...can it be generalised...

somewhere in the middle of the play...my mind drifted off...and i started reflecting on my own life...have i ever played the roles of jamuna or lila or sati at some point of my life...am i yet to play them...or even the role of manik mulla for that matter...what must he have gone through living his real time stories...laughing at them...

so many questions...so many characters...and one me...to figure it all out...in as many ways as i want to perceive it...thats one thing i love about plays...that it is so open ended...that we are allowed to intrepret it the way we want to...there is no right beginning nor ending...everything is just as it is supposed to be...and rest is on you to see...to understand and take away that which will help u live life better...a lil more easier...

asal zindagi mein dekha jaye to manik mulla ne sahi hi kaha hai
"...chaku chahe kharbooze par gire ya kharbooza chaku par, nuksaan to chaku ka hi hota hai!"

why bright red in shades of gray???

its difficult to decide the name of a blog...i realised coz that took me this long to actually start blogging...they say whats in a name...guess that doesnt apply to a blog name...
or will u actually not judge me by my blog name...
well...

bright red in the shades of gray...
coz life always comes in shades...they say its never either black or white...
i say why not bright red...or yellow...or purple for that matter...

i believe in adding colors to my shade of life
...chose bright red just to be starkingly different!
i wouldnt mind calling my blog yellow-in the-blue either...
but right now

bright-red-in-shades-of-gray
is what i am goin by

simple isnt it...

:)