i hate it when i have to hear what i should be and what i shouldnt be in future...
i dont know why though...
it seems weird to me that you have to go out of your way to tell me that i shouldnt be extravagant...the instant question that pops up in my mind is what if i will be extravagant...how does that change any bit of me that i will be tommorow...does extravagance have any significance to being what i am today...and what do you mean by extravagant...i mean it bugs me to the extent that i get into a row with you...but why...why do you have to ask such insignificant questions...i dont understand it.
today is a completely different situation from what tomorrow would be and i hate to define tomorrow based on today...it is absurd. today i am learning...tomorrow i will earn...(or at least hoping to earn). today i m cautious maybe partly because tomorrow i want to have as much to not be cautious about. dont you get it...and why do you start assuming such things from now...
or maybe the reason is far more deeper inner than this....yesterday you had defined a today...in which you had talked about how you never change...how people around you change... and loads of similar things...about confidence, genuineness and behavior. You still want to believe you didnt change...when the today eventually came...but i know you changed and i refuse to argue over that coz i think its only natural to change...so why get into these talks about the future...let it just be...why do u have to define a today based on your yesterday or even a future based on today...just let it be!
and more importantly just let me be...dont define a future me based on the me i am today...coz i get scared of having so much more of me tomorrow that your today's definition wont fit in that space that u have defined me for future...coz thats what i live for...for making me a little more than i am today...so that i can make a little more difference tomorrow than i can today...
even if that doesnt make sense to you!
4 comments:
Lovely! And yes, I too feel we all waste far too much time in planning and 'securing' the future. We forget to live the today. I want to live the today. On my terms. Even if it appears screwed up to others... I want it the way I want it!
If only they'd understand...
Your blog is so personal that you might as well make this an online diary with a controlled access. Posts for 'someone', references only the intended can resolve, poems that only your dearest friends can admire -
Please dont take offense but I wonder if you could tell me why you blog this stuff.. just a cathartic experience? consider me as someone who tries to fathom the drive for blogging.. especially such intimate stuff that effectively conveys nothing and invites no comments even..
Casa
thanks! i m glad that someone understand without judging me on it :)
DoJ,
i just happened to see all comments today...after so many days...months i should say...:O
yea...if only!
Anonymous,
no offense taken, but i really dont think i want to explain the reasons for my blog or blogging!
just know thats its the only way that i can manage to pen down thoughts which otherwise may get lost in space.
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