better off or worse off!

i wonder at times if knowing you has made me better off or worse off!

i rule out worse off to begin with.
i definitely haven't been worse off knowing you
you have made me believe so much in life...again.
brought back so much i had lost...in time

but am i giving you undue credit...hasn't that been me all along!

knowing you doesn't really make me any better off at this point in life!
well...there is a you...but where???
i look for you at times
to share a hi...a smile...some trivia about life
simple things...
but hey you are never there...so who is this you i keep talking to?
essentially noone!
you are just a perception in my mind...

and this perception isn't even close to who you are
or
rather have been past few weeks.

so does that make me any better off?

i wonder [n not question still]
what god had in mind when it made our paths cross again!

because logically speaking
i cant see any sense in it!