somethings just noboby ever can understand...
i want to talk...but i am speechless...dont know how to begin my conversation
i am overwhelmed...tired...delirious...exhausted...
almost numb and dead...one could say
but still i want to talk
...
about how i was hoping that today comes...about how i feared that things wont fall in place...about how really much it means although i think i dint give in my 100 percent to it...about how unbelievable it all seems now...about how it felt last night standing at the ground watching the smiles on everyones faces...about how i am happy but yet i have tears in my eyes
about how this is also just a momentary feeling...about how even this aint gonna stay...three months of hard work and just three days of getting done with it...
yes i want to talk...
even though its early still...even though the last is yet to get over ...
i want to talk
...dont know what to say
...and to whom!
somethings nobody will ever understand...just cant!
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
gone are those days ...
its strange
Its Diwali today!
and there is no feel of it absolutely...
gone are the days
...when Diwali was awaited long before it was here
with the diwali safai...all the old memories were refreshed
by cleaning up almirahs and drawers...
where small notes and gifts
used to be found...
when worn out old clothes - that dont fit anymore
but were very dear for no particular reason, &
when brand new clothes that were hidden from moms -
came out in the open
when me n c used to sneak into the love notes
of ma and pa :)
when the age old guitar and harmonium and mouth organ
were redicovered and with it
a new resolve - to learn at least one of them - was renewed!
when diwali meant a lot of sweets...
the suhali, petha, bhujia...and the mom's speciality dal ka halwa
the plates of sweets shared with the neighbours as part of ritual
same sweets...yet sharing them was so important
it all made it so much more sweeter :)
when diwali meant a lot of crackers...
phuljhari, chakri, anar, chocolate bombs, aloo bombs, rockets, mashaal and the sad taar
all which were got beforehand...put out in dhoop
to get best results from them...
the planning of which drum would burst...
the difficult wait for the D-day to burst all of them...
the star filled anaar...which fascinated me always always
when diwali meant a lot of puja...
preparations of which began three days prior
the rangoli...the sweets...the selection of diyas...
the shopping of the new ganeshji & laxmiji idols...
the last minute drawing and coloring of the paper
which would become god in due time...
[strange how i never questioned that all these years
and suddenly my understanding of God refuses to accept things so simply]
the flower decorations...the dressing up of ourselves
the new set of clothes...one for puja and another for lighting the crackers...
...
when diwali was more than just an occasion
...it used to be a celebration of relationships...love and ...prosperity
diwali used to be much much more...
when wishing a diwali wasnt a compulsion...it was heartfelt...
when the mobile phones, gtalks and orkuts didnt exist...
yet wishes reached everyone...
gone are those days...
and today its Diwali...again
and its feeling very very strange!
Its Diwali today!
and there is no feel of it absolutely...
gone are the days
...when Diwali was awaited long before it was here
with the diwali safai...all the old memories were refreshed
by cleaning up almirahs and drawers...
where small notes and gifts
used to be found...
when worn out old clothes - that dont fit anymore
but were very dear for no particular reason, &
when brand new clothes that were hidden from moms -
came out in the open
when me n c used to sneak into the love notes
of ma and pa :)
when the age old guitar and harmonium and mouth organ
were redicovered and with it
a new resolve - to learn at least one of them - was renewed!
when diwali meant a lot of sweets...
the suhali, petha, bhujia...and the mom's speciality dal ka halwa
the plates of sweets shared with the neighbours as part of ritual
same sweets...yet sharing them was so important
it all made it so much more sweeter :)
when diwali meant a lot of crackers...
phuljhari, chakri, anar, chocolate bombs, aloo bombs, rockets, mashaal and the sad taar
all which were got beforehand...put out in dhoop
to get best results from them...
the planning of which drum would burst...
the difficult wait for the D-day to burst all of them...
the star filled anaar...which fascinated me always always
when diwali meant a lot of puja...
preparations of which began three days prior
the rangoli...the sweets...the selection of diyas...
the shopping of the new ganeshji & laxmiji idols...
the last minute drawing and coloring of the paper
which would become god in due time...
[strange how i never questioned that all these years
and suddenly my understanding of God refuses to accept things so simply]
the flower decorations...the dressing up of ourselves
the new set of clothes...one for puja and another for lighting the crackers...
...
when diwali was more than just an occasion
...it used to be a celebration of relationships...love and ...prosperity
diwali used to be much much more...
when wishing a diwali wasnt a compulsion...it was heartfelt...
when the mobile phones, gtalks and orkuts didnt exist...
yet wishes reached everyone...
gone are those days...
and today its Diwali...again
and its feeling very very strange!
Deepawali ki shubhkamnayen un sabhi ko :)!
jaane kyon aaj dil kar raha hai
ki is shubh avsar mein
un sabhi ko yaad karoon
un sabhi ko
...jinke liye mere paas kabhi sahi shabd nahin honge
...jinko jitna kaha jaye kam hai
un sabhi ko...
deepawali ki hardik subhkamnayen!!!
ki is shubh avsar mein
un sabhi ko yaad karoon
un sabhi ko
...jinke liye mere paas kabhi sahi shabd nahin honge
...jinko jitna kaha jaye kam hai
un sabhi ko...
deepawali ki hardik subhkamnayen!!!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
just 11 days before i can crash...for good !
i m dead...
well almost!!!
mind isnt functioning...neither is anything else!!!
just waiting for 8 days to get over...
and live another 3 days
before i crash...
yes i m looking forward to the crashing bit!
well almost!!!
mind isnt functioning...neither is anything else!!!
just waiting for 8 days to get over...
and live another 3 days
before i crash...
yes i m looking forward to the crashing bit!
Saturday, October 14, 2006
not the right words!
there are no right words
to express what i feel
right now right here
struggling to move on
yet not letting go
scared that i will leave it all behind
not finding the right reasons
to hold on...
too many clouding thoughts
wish the time flies
and with it all these fleeting thoughts
wish it were all sorted out...
before i get into sorting it out.
to express what i feel
right now right here
struggling to move on
yet not letting go
scared that i will leave it all behind
not finding the right reasons
to hold on...
too many clouding thoughts
wish the time flies
and with it all these fleeting thoughts
wish it were all sorted out...
before i get into sorting it out.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Half a me!
r: wat pix is this ?
me: oh
its half a me
r: hmn where is the other half ?
me: got lost somewhere
r: hahah
me: between here and cal
:)
r: oki with whom?
me: noone in particular
but lots if i think of it like that..
r: lots of them u mean?
me::) :)
i mean mummy n papa...p & p...u & v...
:)
like that
r: sweet!!!
p.s. even i didnt realise that it was such a telling pix...'half a me' fits very well with my SoM. :)
me: oh
its half a me
r: hmn where is the other half ?
me: got lost somewhere
r: hahah
me: between here and cal
:)
r: oki with whom?
me: noone in particular
but lots if i think of it like that..
r: lots of them u mean?
me::) :)
i mean mummy n papa...p & p...u & v...
:)
like that
r: sweet!!!
p.s. even i didnt realise that it was such a telling pix...'half a me' fits very well with my SoM. :)
bright dark secrets of a full-moon night!
i was fast asleep.
was really tired to be thinking of anyone or anything.
don't recall any dreams also.
dead asleep one could say!
suddenly in the middle of the night a strong gaze compelled me to open my eyes.
i woke up just for a moment.
i glanced outside my window.
i was spellbound...even in the deep sleep that i was in.
i saw the full moon peering at me.
yea it was shining bright back at me!
for a second i felt it was granting me something...
a special wish...i could feel
as i turned in my bed
eyes still stuck on the incredible sight
i could feel the surreality (to an extent even the silly-ness) of the moment.
but even then ...in my fast asleep state
all i could i think of was you...
i was taken aback with the spontaneity of my thought...
you were on my mind!
and i made a wish for myself!
maybe its too silly (or weird) to expect it to come true.
maybe it was nothing really.
but the magnamity of that small moment overwhelmed me too much to not believe in it.
and guess its going to linger for a long long time to come.
:)
was really tired to be thinking of anyone or anything.
don't recall any dreams also.
dead asleep one could say!
suddenly in the middle of the night a strong gaze compelled me to open my eyes.
i woke up just for a moment.
i glanced outside my window.
i was spellbound...even in the deep sleep that i was in.
i saw the full moon peering at me.
yea it was shining bright back at me!
for a second i felt it was granting me something...
a special wish...i could feel
as i turned in my bed
eyes still stuck on the incredible sight
i could feel the surreality (to an extent even the silly-ness) of the moment.
but even then ...in my fast asleep state
all i could i think of was you...
i was taken aback with the spontaneity of my thought...
you were on my mind!
and i made a wish for myself!
maybe its too silly (or weird) to expect it to come true.
maybe it was nothing really.
but the magnamity of that small moment overwhelmed me too much to not believe in it.
and guess its going to linger for a long long time to come.
:)
Today's Fortune - Oct 7, '06
"Your dearest wish will come true!"
dont know what about this, but something stirred within...so just wanted to keep a record of it :)
dont know what about this, but something stirred within...so just wanted to keep a record of it :)
Saturday, October 07, 2006
such two people exist in my life :)
there are some people in this world who know you...love you...the way you are...they are the ones who have seen you grow...let you grow and they are the ever changing constants whom you cant do without in life...who cant be taken for granted ever coz they are just too dear for anything like that.
there are some people in this world who cant do without you (even though you believe they can and if time comes, they will)...who need you ...love u for who you are...who let you be...for whom you will always walk that extra mile...because life is meaningful because of them being around...who will make the most of NOW and make that NOW last forever and ever...with whom you can't really have enough time...(of course they can get onto your nerves...but you can see through your love for them even in those angry moments)
such two people exist in my life...they are my constants in times of turbulance! they are my change at times of monotony!they are my alter ego at times when i lose myself! they make sense at times when i am nonsensical! they make me laugh when i forget to smile! they walk the extra mile that just makes my life so much more worthwhile! they are like me...they just let somethings be!
and they are still there while i am back here!
p.s. yes they are both of u...in case you ever read this :)
there are some people in this world who cant do without you (even though you believe they can and if time comes, they will)...who need you ...love u for who you are...who let you be...for whom you will always walk that extra mile...because life is meaningful because of them being around...who will make the most of NOW and make that NOW last forever and ever...with whom you can't really have enough time...(of course they can get onto your nerves...but you can see through your love for them even in those angry moments)
such two people exist in my life...they are my constants in times of turbulance! they are my change at times of monotony!they are my alter ego at times when i lose myself! they make sense at times when i am nonsensical! they make me laugh when i forget to smile! they walk the extra mile that just makes my life so much more worthwhile! they are like me...they just let somethings be!
and they are still there while i am back here!
p.s. yes they are both of u...in case you ever read this :)
him...and more importantly her!
i have never really tried to understand her!!!
and i realise it now.i try to reason why i have never liked her enough to try and understand her.
am i unreasonable.i know i am not...atleast thats what i think of myself.am i difficult to reach out to.maybe i am...i never really give a chance to people if i decide against it.am i that rigid in my thinking.i fear the answer is affirmative.
once i decide to not give a chance to someone, its pretty difficult for the person at the other end to break the ice with me. n i think its not that great an idea now that i have so many things falling apart because of that.
i realise i am doing it to him once again.closing and sealing one friendship that has meant a lot to me.a lot because its been there when i needed it the most.a lot because he has understood me when everyone else was busy in their lives.a lot because he is there unconditionally...even though at the cost of his own personal realtionships...why he has been closest to a friend like barney i could ever have.except that we would never really have any romantic undertone to our friendship.havent ever felt that for him. NEVER! no not even once.people find it difficult to believe but its true.i think girls and guys can be just friends...yeah JUST friends because of him.really!
and i am closing and sealing that one friendship without even letting him have his say on things! who am i really to decide for our friendship alone. but thats what i am doing once again.
and thats when she comes into the picture.i never really tried to understand her.
if he is important i should ve made an attempt to know her better...to understand her a bit if not be a dear friend of hers.i did not.
and suddenly i feel the need to. but guess its kind of late.
when will i learn to react on time....
maybe i am stretching it too far...maybe it doesnt really call for all this attention it is getting.
maybe letting it be is the best option available.
because talking to him at the cost of ignoring her isnt any option any longer!
p.s. is it just me or are relationships getting weirder by the day for everyone around!
and i realise it now.i try to reason why i have never liked her enough to try and understand her.
am i unreasonable.i know i am not...atleast thats what i think of myself.am i difficult to reach out to.maybe i am...i never really give a chance to people if i decide against it.am i that rigid in my thinking.i fear the answer is affirmative.
once i decide to not give a chance to someone, its pretty difficult for the person at the other end to break the ice with me. n i think its not that great an idea now that i have so many things falling apart because of that.
i realise i am doing it to him once again.closing and sealing one friendship that has meant a lot to me.a lot because its been there when i needed it the most.a lot because he has understood me when everyone else was busy in their lives.a lot because he is there unconditionally...even though at the cost of his own personal realtionships...why he has been closest to a friend like barney i could ever have.except that we would never really have any romantic undertone to our friendship.havent ever felt that for him. NEVER! no not even once.people find it difficult to believe but its true.i think girls and guys can be just friends...yeah JUST friends because of him.really!
and i am closing and sealing that one friendship without even letting him have his say on things! who am i really to decide for our friendship alone. but thats what i am doing once again.
and thats when she comes into the picture.i never really tried to understand her.
if he is important i should ve made an attempt to know her better...to understand her a bit if not be a dear friend of hers.i did not.
and suddenly i feel the need to. but guess its kind of late.
when will i learn to react on time....
maybe i am stretching it too far...maybe it doesnt really call for all this attention it is getting.
maybe letting it be is the best option available.
because talking to him at the cost of ignoring her isnt any option any longer!
p.s. is it just me or are relationships getting weirder by the day for everyone around!
meeting you...
it was definitely one up...
meeting you...
after six long years!
i dont know what it is that can't be put in words now.
one can say it meant a world to me and at the same time i felt really nothing about it.
yes the feeling was like that. of being there and yet not being there...
is that what meeting a friend after six long years is all about...especially in the context of having had connected so instantly to him already...maybe it is!
i aint complaining...dont get me wrong...just contemplating if thats what i would call a meeting...if that was what i was looking forward to...if that was really all that was!
guess it was good in a way...the meeting!
even though there was no conversation really (something i usually am good at)
even though nothing remained to be said anymore
even though things have changed drastically from the time i wanted to meet you and the time i actually did
yes the meeting was good!
coz life has its own ways...
and who knows maybe it was the last one destined for us before we tread on our individual paths that won't ever meet!
tx for that one last meet!
i loved it!
although i didnt have anything to say...although a lot remains unsaid!!!
meeting you...
after six long years!
i dont know what it is that can't be put in words now.
one can say it meant a world to me and at the same time i felt really nothing about it.
yes the feeling was like that. of being there and yet not being there...
is that what meeting a friend after six long years is all about...especially in the context of having had connected so instantly to him already...maybe it is!
i aint complaining...dont get me wrong...just contemplating if thats what i would call a meeting...if that was what i was looking forward to...if that was really all that was!
guess it was good in a way...the meeting!
even though there was no conversation really (something i usually am good at)
even though nothing remained to be said anymore
even though things have changed drastically from the time i wanted to meet you and the time i actually did
yes the meeting was good!
coz life has its own ways...
and who knows maybe it was the last one destined for us before we tread on our individual paths that won't ever meet!
tx for that one last meet!
i loved it!
although i didnt have anything to say...although a lot remains unsaid!!!
quite a few...
quite a few posts to write actually...
quite a few thoughts on my mind...
quite a few days these were...
quite a few old friends i met...
quite a few farewells i bid...
quite a new experience it was...
quite a few memories i created...
quite a bit overwhelmed i still am...
quite a few pictures were clicked...
quite a few friendships closed and sealed...
quite a few new beginnings it can be called...
quite a few new perpectives i can now see...
quite a few realisations hit me...
quite a bit i could deal with them...
quite a bit happy i am...
quite a bit of me i became...
yes this cal trip was quite a trip that there could ve been
and lets see how many posts can make up for it!!!
quite a few thoughts on my mind...
quite a few days these were...
quite a few old friends i met...
quite a few farewells i bid...
quite a new experience it was...
quite a few memories i created...
quite a bit overwhelmed i still am...
quite a few pictures were clicked...
quite a few friendships closed and sealed...
quite a few new beginnings it can be called...
quite a few new perpectives i can now see...
quite a few realisations hit me...
quite a bit i could deal with them...
quite a bit happy i am...
quite a bit of me i became...
yes this cal trip was quite a trip that there could ve been
and lets see how many posts can make up for it!!!
Sunday, October 01, 2006
yes its u...:)
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
p.s. this is a song that i desperately wanted to send to you...but like a lot many more things...decided against it!
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
p.s. this is a song that i desperately wanted to send to you...but like a lot many more things...decided against it!
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